Chained: Fighting Porn Addiction
© Robert James Davies 2022
ABOUT THESE STORIES
Most people like stories, and therapy is all about stories. Telling stories about powerful techniques used in TEAM CBT therapy demystify this therapy one story at a time.
Yet, confidentiality is a cornerstone of all counselling. Without confidentiality, clients wouldn’t feel safe going to therapy to divulge the most painful areas of their lives. To safeguard clients while illustrating TEAM CBT techniques, confidentiality is kept by either having the client’s consent or by distorting the facts, making the client unrecognizable . These stories are excellent for homework where the client gets to understand how TEAM CBT therapy works and perhaps how other clients with similar challenges experienced the wonderful and sudden changes that such therapy can bring.
Fighting Porn Addiction
Thank you, Rick. So, to recap. You want to stop your addiction to pornography?
That's right, Bob. I need to stop.
Do you need to talk about it more or did you want to roll up your sleeves and get to work?
I'd like to get to work, Bob. I can't take it anymore.
Rick. Let's pretend there is a magic button on your chair right where your right hand is resting. If you were to push that button, your addiction would evaporate. You'd no longer be addicted. Would you push that button?
In a heartbeat!
But wait a minute, you have to trade your greatest source of pleasure for discipline and depravation and that sucks, Rick.
You got that right. It sure is enjoyable, but at the same time it is such a pain! No, I have to give it up. My wife found out. She refuses to be a sex-doll, some sex robot. She wants to be respected as a person and loved for all of her not just the sex part. If she's just a sex part then it could be any other person that I find attractive. In short, if I love her, I won't fantasize about other women using pornography.
What I hear is that you would push that button and practice discipline. Let's do a CBA, a cost-benefit analysis. We simply list the advantages and the disadvantages of pornography.
Does that sound like a plan?
Yes, let's try that for starters.
Together Bob, the counsellor and Rick completed the CBA
Advantages of Pornography
It can access it for free.
Easy to access on line.
Satisfying
Relieves Stress
Learn to be an expert in sex
Feel powerful
Feel in control
Feel proud
It is thrilling.
Disadvantages
My wife wants me to give it up. She's not happy.
I feel guilty about cheating on my wife.
I can't really get satisfied because it is an addiction and will have to keep going back for another experience. It would never end.
Embarrassing when my wife finds out or anyone else.
It shows my lack of control, lack of discipline.
I wouldn't want my kids to know. It makes me a poor role model.
It can take money because sometimes I pay for sex in real life or online.
It sucks up time, too much time.
If I am practising being a cheat, being a poor role-model then I am not becoming a better father to my children
My wife pointed out that there are people who force young people into this life. Therefore, I would be encouraging slavery.
I would be encouraging an industry that encourages treating women as objects.
I would be a person that views women as objects for other’s gratification.
That would make me a rather shallow person not recognizing people for their intrinsic worth.
Also, it is all so unreal. I hate being duped into falsely thinking I am looking at the truth. These are actors. I am a member of a sucker-audience.
I don't want to be conned as if I am a dummy or a fool.
All the mass murderers were addicted to pornography. It is practising treating people as objects to be thrown out when finished with their usefullness.
Okay, Rick. So if you were to measure each list so that together they add up to 100%. How would you rate it. If the advantages are most significant, you weight the columns as maybe 60%-40%, or maybe 80%-20%. Or if the advantages are most significant then the score might be 30%-70% or 45%-55%. What do you say?
Well, Bob, I'd give the disadvantages or cost a good 90% and the advantages or benefits a small 10%. It costs too much out of my life to really call it anything but disadvantageous!
Okay, Rick. That is the first step. In the next step, we'll talk about a time when you used sex on the internet or paid for it. Give me an instance. It doesn't matter which one.
Continue reading about Rick in :
Chained: Fighting Porn Addiction Part 2
ABOUT THESE STORIES
Most people like stories, and therapy is all about stories. Telling stories about powerful techniques used in TEAM CBT therapy demystify this therapy one story at a time.
Yet, confidentiality is a cornerstone of all counselling. Without confidentiality, clients wouldn’t feel safe going to therapy to divulge the most painful areas of their lives. To safeguard clients while illustrating TEAM CBT techniques, confidentiality is kept by either having the client’s consent or by distorting the facts, making the client unrecognizable . These stories are excellent for homework where the client gets to understand how TEAM CBT therapy works and perhaps how other clients with similar challenges experienced the wonderful and sudden changes that such therapy can bring.