TWO TO TANGO or TWO TO TANGLE
IMPORTANT: CIT or Cognitive Interpersonal Therapy involves working with one person only in the relationship. The change in one creates change in the other.
STEP ONE: With any relationship when we butt heads, be it couples, marriage spouses, employee-supervisor, father-daughter, friends, there is always the 'blame factor'. If we can agree that it takes 'two to tango' or 'two to tangle', then we can move forward. It is not important how much of the relationship conflict we agree to own as long as we know that we are not totally innocent and that it is not ALL the other person's fault. Go to FORMS and print a copy of the Cost-Benefit Analysis. Follow the direcitons and complete it.
STEP TWO: There are three principles involved in Dr. Burns' Cognitive Interpersonal Therapy or CIT.
1. We cause the very interpersonal problem that we complain about. We don't seem to realize that we are doing this, so we feel like victims and blame the other person.
2. We deny our own role in the conflict; however, we get some conscious or unconscious reward from doing this.
3. We can learn to stop the impact of the first two principles by defeating them with CIT. We have more power than we think.
STEP THREE: Go to the Counselling Stories page on this website. Read about CIT in action. Eventhough the 'Phil & Trish' stories deal with a married couple, the same principles apply as with all relationships.
1. Read about a married couple - Phil & Trish (Parts 1, 2 & 3)
2. Then read about a work conflict - Using CIT (Parts 1 & 2)
3. There is also the workplace harassment story to read - Using CBT (Part 1) Although not CIT counselling specifically, it is an example of the First Step with a client who stopped blaming her employer and accepted her part in the problem.
STEP FOUR: Listen to Dr Burns' podcasts #14 & #15. Together they explain CIT and its Five Secrets of Effective Communication.
STEP FIVE: Buy the book: The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns MD.
Begin to read Part IV: Feeling Good Together: How to Strengthen Relationships Through Better Communication.
Work through each chapter from 18 to 22. Do all the written assignments that Dr. David Burns gives you. Write. Write. Write.
STEP SIX: Still stuck? Get a counselling therapist to help you. It could be me, Robert Davies.